ehsan gill

You know its pretty impressive I’v been home 9 months now. And i was forced to take stock on my birthday at the ripe old age of 28. Normally this would have been disconcerting, but the importance, presence and impact of time on my life has changed in recent months so I was less worried than usual. Recently time has either mattered too much.

For example when taking an opiate painkiller on the hour every hour. Jonesing for my latest fix and or the sweet sweet release of death. Or too little, during the endless months of isolation where as I sat indoors the world seemingly worked, lived, loved and fell out without me.

In any case the take away from this period has been that time is not my enemy. I do not have to achieve certain things before a certain time. A random event by an arbitrary age.

Get married before I’m 30

Have a house that I’ve paid off by 50

Fuck my way through my 20’s

The race to the end is pointless because the end is final and deadly.  In my perception of the world time has slowed down to a crawl. And so I worry less, enjoy more and take greater joy in the time I have left, the moments in which I am (even for a while) pain free.